It’s a Saturday and it’s movie night, well, for me at least. My children have better things to do on their own with their thing than to spend time with me watching old movies. I stumbled upon this quite old movie called “It’s Complicated” with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin on it. I really don’t have an idea about the story but I’ve heard of the title but it’s not something that I would really schedule to watch. Without any expectation except having a good time with it, I got more than laughs. It hit closer to home.
The story was about exes, divorced who were trying to relive the what ifs by having an affair. It really is true with exes because at some point you did love the person, especially when you have kids. The temptation is too strong to try again. Being more mature and “wiser”, ex-couples are at a better place in their life now so the relationship would be smoother than it was when they were living together with the stresses of having children and figuring out themselves.
What makes it complicated is that one of them is actually married, so the exes technically was having an affair. This is why you don’t want to try getting back with your ex again even with the thought of your children being happy. They won’t be happy. And when you have older children, they now know that while you think your family is whole again, there’s another party or family that’s hurting.
I did think that the second time around would be better. I confess, I kind of did it in my past relationships, trying to hook up with the ex, just because I wanted to prove something. Could be revenge, or I just wanted to prove a point, I know that the thrill was very tempting. If you’re weak, you’d succumb to the call of the flesh. I think what was more tempting or alluring was the idea that you’re still being chosen over the current spouse, if you know
what I mean. It’s still just an ego thing.
It might not seem obvious because we’re clouded by the idea that the children will be happy to see their parents together again, but they end up the most hurt in this kind of situation. It took them a long time to get over the separation, or maybe they’re not even over it yet, and then suddenly seeing their parents together again, is another adjustment that they need to make in their life. I think It’s easier when your children are still young but it’s different when they’re older. They now have a moral compass, and they know that what their parents are having is an affair. They know what consists of it – the cheating, and the people who gets hurt.
What I do like in the story and would like to be is how she was able to thrive in the last ten years since her divorce. It’s also been 12 years since my separation, so I am at least somewhere near what she had accomplished. And for me, I can’t risk and throw away the years and the sacrifices I made to get to where I am now. Separation and being alone was something I had to get used to. Being with someone again is another thing that I would need
time to get used to.
So before you try getting back with your ex whose now married to someone else, please think about it more. I feel you, I understand you. I know how it feels like to finally be seen and heard, but your relationship ended for a reason. I know how exhilarating it can be to feel loved by someone whom you did love too, but the situation is different now. You can stay friends, for the sake of the children, but no more than that.
Think about how long it took you to get to where you are now, comfortable and at peace with yourself. Is the thrill of an affair worth your peace? If you think it is, I won’t judge you. You do you. I just want to ask you to please think about it one more time, so you won’t have to say about your life that “it’s complicated.”